So continuing from the last passage. The easy job comes along(easy for me to narrate but difficult for the couple who are about to be sacrificed on the altar).
Dad has agreed and so has mom (with great persuasion from the aunt – mothers tend to be more worried – oh my daughter is going to prison – fathers are cool – let the fool also suffer) now the couple meet everyday (imagine a situation where there are limited number of benches in the park and the couples are fighting for that space – the boyfriend has to come an hour early to book the seat – holy cow!@#$ he beat me again). Engagement takes little time and soon the music (death knell) of marriage begins. Millions of people whom you might have never met in you lifetime and will never see again in this lifetime will congratulate you and give you blessings (no prizes for guessing why).
Then comes the most interesting and fascinating yet unventured territory which few discuss and which is my central attraction for today. It’s the first night…………..
Now now stop blushing you there in pink shirt and you mam in yellow tee (this is going to be hard for me to explain in humorous tone).
Now as I am unmarried and I definitely haven’t had the fortune of experiencing the first night (some people will go oooooooooh) I don’t know much about it but my sharp ears and suddenly sharp memory has recorded every discussions on this topic.
The first night is usually the most clumsy and uneventful one (so tells my secret resources) clumsy because it takes the bride an hour to take out all the jewellery from herself (primitive people must have had a pretty easy first night - no clothes – no jewellery – no marriage) by the time the groom is either so restless that he instantly condemns marriages or so tired that he falls asleep.
The most funny part is the milk offering ceremony where the wife gives the husband milk with the saffron flavour(isn’t it very similar to a pundit offering milk to snake – or is it just a coincidence). She goes over to him with the milk and he goes “sorry, I only have bournvita”.
Or the milk spills and the wife starts crying.
Husband : “don’t cry over spilt milk”(its like advising that we should not lament more on the big mistake that we have made). “Nothing bad is going to happen”
Wife : “I am just worried about the sari”.
If that initial obstacle is surpassed (bow to the audience) then comes the shock of the lifetime to the groom. “This marriage is cancelled, you never showed me yourself without the makeup, mummyyyyyyy…” or “you look just like the last one”(SLAP comes a resounding sound) or the conversation goes like this
Husband : “what would you think of me if I say that I had an affair with your best friend”
Wife : “that you are gay”
Terrible things happen in the bedroom on that night. When the groom starts to kiss the bride “the false teeth come off” or worse you accidentally choke her (good judgements come from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgement).
Or before they begin the wife says “darling will you tell me something honestly, do you really have a good maid” (that’s what all the wives are worried about these days).
Or even worse “eeks you have hair in your nostrils”(can somebody please invent a nose hair remover?)
But as the saying goes all is well that ends well. The husband is satisfied that his wife is as dumb as he is (talking of feeding your ego) and the wife is all the more happy to give him that impression.
Well as exciting the first night is, dull is the life after marriage.
Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.
Whenever the husband comes out of the house happy it means that the wife throwed a utensil at him and she missed and whenever the wife comes out of the house happy it means that they will have to buy a new utensil and maybe a new husband too.
There are some happy marriages too like a friend of mine once confessed.
“I love my wife and am loyal to her. I married miss RIGHT” and then he added rather ruefully “but I didn’t know that her first name is ALWAYS”
Well humour is something that I try to introduce in all the topics but there are times when they are not digested by some. For those I am extremely sorry and I assure you that I didn’t mean to hurt anyone. The truth is that marriage is the best thing that can happen to someone and this relationship is more sacred than what we perceive. Marriages are made in heaven and realized in hell, but in this hellish world it sure keeps reminding us of heaven
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