Undoubtedly that is a popular number from the Boyzone group but that is also a very true adage in real life.
It’s more of a truth than an adage and if you realize this one thing then life becomes much more bearable.
Whenever I hear Himesh Reshamia’s songs on television or on the radio I feel like committing suicide but I believe that God tests its disciples quite often. When the clatter of cacophony comes out of his multitasking nose I feel like I am in heaven (I usually hover in between death and life and since I am a sinless man I feel I am in heaven), the voice triggers my thought process and my brain becomes alert. It switches on the emergency survival mechanism and my muscles become taunt. As I swing between consciousness and unconsciousness I feel my spirits rise and I get the strength to get thorough the ordeal. Finally when the song gets over and I realize that miraculously I have survived the murder attempt on my life I feel confident that I can get through anything. When it was announced that my superman is going to do a movie I heard an inner voice saying to me that “Gaurang this is your chance”. When I was in college I studied something called stress test where in we keep increasing pressure on the metal bar to check how far it can sustain it. What goes around comes around. I felt it was a new challenge for me albeit an impossible one.
Life is not fair all the time. Did you ever feel that Somalians and Ethopians live a better life than you? I did when I heard the speeches of Mayawati and Atal Bihari Vajpayee. Changing the citizenship was one of the many depressing thoughts that came to my mind (the other was indiscriminate shooting inside a US university to relieve stress). The lugubrious speeches that they prepare are so melancholic and soporific that I am sure that if I were reading it then I would be the first person to die of heart attack because of applause by the people given to my speech. What astounds me is the conviction with which they beat about the bush and make promises which even the unborn fetus is confident that they are not going to follow. They truly justify the fact that “promises are like babies, fun to make but hell to deliver”
I feel Oscars and the filmfare awards are mere formality to publicize the movie community. There could be better awards such as “surviving the Sooraj Barjatiya movie” awards or “not dozing even a single time in Pooja Bhatt’s movie” awards or “controlling laughter in a Ramsay’s Brothers horror flick” awards or “resisting the temptation to commit suicide in tere naam” awards or “almost getting mentally retarded in a David Dhawan movie” awards. Have you ever cried watching a movie? Revealing my soft side, I confess I have cried in the movie “Hum Saath Saath hain” not because of the plight of the leading actors and actresses (which were so large in number that I realized I didn’t know numbers beyond a large figure, while counting) but because of their propensity to make seemingly insignificant problems escalate to such a large extent that they have to showcase their crying skills half the movie and then the problem is solved so quickly that I could not stop myself from sobbing at the display of overacting at its zenith.
Sometimes I feel that God does not exists when I see Sunny Deol dance or Celina Jaitely act, or Suniel shetty shout with saliva dripping from his mouth (that’s a cool poem ; “suneil shetty shouts, saliva dripping from his mouth, makes me vomit everything out, humanity is still alive? I doubt….sorry for deviating), otherwise he would not be so unkind to the earthlings.
If I were sitting in Amitabh Bacchan’s “koun Banega Crorepati” hot seat and a question like “what would me more torturous to you : a) being electrocuted in a dentist’s chair b) being the prime display in a shark’s tasting party c) smelling the armpit of Carl Lewis after he has just won a 800m race in Bangladesh in summer, and d) watching Aaj tak news the whole day”, I would definitely be confused and eventually select option d) not because its my lucky alphabet but because it really would be the answer. I usually never curse anybody no matter how grave displeasure it gives me but people have to literally stop me and keep me tied up to chair with my mouth tied with a cloth to stop me from breaking the TV or not hearing the harangue of expletives never uttered since the age of Cleopatra. These guys are so dumb and melodramatic that I have to resist the urge to pounce on them and strangle them with my own hands. Sensationalism is okay and much needed but this oversensationalism makes me rate Carl Lewis's armpits higher.
For those of you who have seen the pathetic show of epitome of dimwit morons playing cricket for India in world cup, I am sure they will agree with me that there are only two worlds, Heaven and Earth. Even my dogs bowl better than the speedters and my grandma can score more runs than the loosers that went on the pitch in the series. They seem to me as farmers who are trying to reap their crops after an unsuccessful season when they field. And for Christ’s sake, stop looking so disappointed after losing.
Sorry guys, I have vented all my anger in the blog and for those whose sentiments I have hurt I am really sorry but then this is my opinion and I definitely await your opinions too because opinions are like Carl Lewis's armpits, there are always two and both of them stink.
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