Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Expletives explained……..

How often it happens that when you are going to some place and get stuck in traffic. It becomes really difficult to maneuver through the plethora of gas thirsty IC’s running on multitudes of wheels. The mind is preoccupied by lots of things like “he has got a good car, I bet he cheats the IT dept.” or “do these couple really have to snuggle each other on the bike, especially since they are of the same gender” or better still “boori nazar vale tera mooh kala”(that’s a popular one liner on truck’s rear end).
But I am sure that amongst the bullock carts alongside the BMW’s and green, advertisement ladened road dividers in contrast to the footpath straddled with beggars and street peddlers, the thing that must have stood out is the behavior of people on the road.
An auto Rickshaw is undoubtedly a brilliant machine nevertheless the driver residing in it is more awe inspiring. Ever had an experience where your auto is involved in an accident with some other vehicle? Well if you are a god fearing sinless philanthropic being then make sure that you close your ears when the fight begins. The expletives freely flowing from their mouth makes you feel like god has damned the other person forever. I was involved in one such incidence and fortuitously I was in the auto rickshaw and not at the receiving end and I was nonplussed at how, even though it was the auto driver’s fault, the gentleman at the other end had to say sorry and pay currency for the damages.
In the corporate world swearing has to follow some ethics. For example the onsite coordinator receives swearing from the client but it is in an official manner “Mr. onsite Coordinator, your company code is full of bugs and it is not concordant to our URD”. The client is not allowed to swear hence he conveys it to the POC (point of contact) gently. However the onsite coordinator is has no such restriction so he conveys it to the project manager in not so appeasing tone “dear sir, your project team is filled with morons and imbecile deficits. Kindly fire them” there is still some decorum in his voice as he is staying onsite but when the matter is in the PM’s hand who is residing offshore then things start getting ugly. PM is angry and so he calls the team lead and “your freaking brains are not even worth frying and eating, now clean up the mess before I blow up you and your team with the freaking TNT” and no prizes for guessing how the TL will be addressing the team.
When you really are keen on learning some cacophonic obscene words then the appraisal time provides the best environment. Go near the desk of an employee when he is about to look at his appraisal and if it is not good then you will thank your lucky stars that you are not his boss, hearing the never ending gut belching curses from his mouth.
They say lucky is the man who gets married. I’d say the same thing about martyrs dying for a noble cause. When you have a nagging wife with a tongue and little brains then you start believing in reincarnation because of bad deeds in your last life. “you have a hair on your shirt:-!”, “darling it’s a white hair and its probably from a male looking from its color”, “what! You are cheating on me for an old male lover??? You insolent, impudent, pig faced, #$@#**&%^$#$”. Imagine if there is no hair on his shirt, then she would link him up with a bald man.
I swear(that’s ironic) these days the beggars are going way above their head. Inflation and high disposable incomes have snatched the innocence that beggary commanded few years ago. Just look at the guts of this profane beggar who throws back the 1 Re coin back to me with a generous supplement of obscenities about increment in the miser population.
Although not considered good, expletives are one necessary evil in today’s world. It decreases your BP, increases your confidence but when you say them to the wrong person then it’s not good for your medical insurer.
So guys as the saying goes “think before you speak” could be modified to “think before you speak, have your sports shoes on when you are thinking of swearing to a body builder, never speak infront of your mother in law, speak HELP if you are being chased by a rabid dog…………

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