So continuing from the last passage. The easy job comes along(easy for me to narrate but difficult for the couple who are about to be sacrificed on the altar).
Dad has agreed and so has mom (with great persuasion from the aunt – mothers tend to be more worried – oh my daughter is going to prison – fathers are cool – let the fool also suffer) now the couple meet everyday (imagine a situation where there are limited number of benches in the park and the couples are fighting for that space – the boyfriend has to come an hour early to book the seat – holy cow!@#$ he beat me again). Engagement takes little time and soon the music (death knell) of marriage begins. Millions of people whom you might have never met in you lifetime and will never see again in this lifetime will congratulate you and give you blessings (no prizes for guessing why).
Then comes the most interesting and fascinating yet unventured territory which few discuss and which is my central attraction for today. It’s the first night…………..
Now now stop blushing you there in pink shirt and you mam in yellow tee (this is going to be hard for me to explain in humorous tone).
Now as I am unmarried and I definitely haven’t had the fortune of experiencing the first night (some people will go oooooooooh) I don’t know much about it but my sharp ears and suddenly sharp memory has recorded every discussions on this topic.
The first night is usually the most clumsy and uneventful one (so tells my secret resources) clumsy because it takes the bride an hour to take out all the jewellery from herself (primitive people must have had a pretty easy first night - no clothes – no jewellery – no marriage) by the time the groom is either so restless that he instantly condemns marriages or so tired that he falls asleep.
The most funny part is the milk offering ceremony where the wife gives the husband milk with the saffron flavour(isn’t it very similar to a pundit offering milk to snake – or is it just a coincidence). She goes over to him with the milk and he goes “sorry, I only have bournvita”.
Or the milk spills and the wife starts crying.
Husband : “don’t cry over spilt milk”(its like advising that we should not lament more on the big mistake that we have made). “Nothing bad is going to happen”
Wife : “I am just worried about the sari”.
If that initial obstacle is surpassed (bow to the audience) then comes the shock of the lifetime to the groom. “This marriage is cancelled, you never showed me yourself without the makeup, mummyyyyyyy…” or “you look just like the last one”(SLAP comes a resounding sound) or the conversation goes like this
Husband : “what would you think of me if I say that I had an affair with your best friend”
Wife : “that you are gay”
Terrible things happen in the bedroom on that night. When the groom starts to kiss the bride “the false teeth come off” or worse you accidentally choke her (good judgements come from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgement).
Or before they begin the wife says “darling will you tell me something honestly, do you really have a good maid” (that’s what all the wives are worried about these days).
Or even worse “eeks you have hair in your nostrils”(can somebody please invent a nose hair remover?)
But as the saying goes all is well that ends well. The husband is satisfied that his wife is as dumb as he is (talking of feeding your ego) and the wife is all the more happy to give him that impression.
Well as exciting the first night is, dull is the life after marriage.
Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.
Whenever the husband comes out of the house happy it means that the wife throwed a utensil at him and she missed and whenever the wife comes out of the house happy it means that they will have to buy a new utensil and maybe a new husband too.
There are some happy marriages too like a friend of mine once confessed.
“I love my wife and am loyal to her. I married miss RIGHT” and then he added rather ruefully “but I didn’t know that her first name is ALWAYS”
Well humour is something that I try to introduce in all the topics but there are times when they are not digested by some. For those I am extremely sorry and I assure you that I didn’t mean to hurt anyone. The truth is that marriage is the best thing that can happen to someone and this relationship is more sacred than what we perceive. Marriages are made in heaven and realized in hell, but in this hellish world it sure keeps reminding us of heaven
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Will you marry me???
Have you ever proposed anybody anytime?
Pinky: I once proposed to my boyfriend and he said “I also love you sheena” and I broke up with him
Camilla: I once proposed a pretty cool guy (with those nose piercings and gelled stallion look hair) but out of nervousness he farted and I had to leave him
Bob: ummmmmm whats a proposal?
Jane: I did propose someone but he turned out to be she (who’s giggling?)
Savitri: are you crazy? How can you utter something so sinful (followed by some 100 gods names)?
For all those who think that proposing someone is difficult I assure you that it is a very easy and straightforward thing. But there are some precautionary measures to be taken before you venture into this frightening world. One is that you need to be prepared for anything. Go join the gym. Well you need to build up some muscles to fend off the boyfriend that the girl has(nowadays it could even be a girlfriend). And yes as helmets are suggested to all the bike riders (you don’t always need it but it’s a precautionary measure against accidents or rash opponents) you need to analyze the opponent before you propose. If she has a history of beating the pulp out of proposer then helmets are essential(unless you have an iron head and a propensity for getting you face smeared with dirt and mud from her sandals). I can see the smile on the face of the all the unfortunate guys who were meted by that hospitality.
The next thing is that you need to be prepared for all sorts of answers. “I will think, about it”(lady this is not a proposal for a project, it’s the matter of heart) or “ ” (that’s called silence where you cant make out what she is telling and have to do with the facial expressions-if she is crying then its yes/no, if she is smiling then maybe she is saying yes or she might be making plans to tell this venture of yours to her uncle who is in the police, and if she has fainted then you are in a big trouble mister).
How do you propose? “will you become the mother of my children”(that’s what I call disregard to the family planning committee – mister first marry her and her family) and if she is really dumb but madly in love with you then she will say “sure how many children do you have” (this time around the boy faints) or you can go ahead and give her a ring “will you accept my ring and become my life partner?” and she goes “I don’t mind, incoming is free, its just that the phone at our home is not working”(you call it a joke?). but its traditional to gift her the ring at the bottom of her champagne glass (which is dangerous as she might gulp it down with the drink and there goes your priceless love down the intestine of the lady) or you can confess your undying love infront of a large crowd on a mike when she is least expecting “sheena I love you”, “my name is heena and I am engaged”.
So precaution for the maverick and misadventurous lovers is to get you stats right first(and then distort them as you please) and conjure up a safe way to propose.
The sweetest love story is like this – a boy proposed a girl. She refused. And he lived happily ever after.
But unfortunately if she accepts your proposal then you have to convince her family. “uncle can I ask for the hand of your daughter” and here is the answer “and what about the rest of the body?” or “are you a body parts smuggler?” or “which one you want” or “cant you marry my first daughter” he he.
Now that the hardest part is over comes the easy one and that is marrying her (nobody told me she snores at night).
Well the blog is getting pretty big so I have decided to keep that topic for the next blog.
And for those doubting thomases who have never proposed but are planning to do so in the near future or are afraid to do it (hey nowadays even the kids propose each other) then go ahead and do it instantly cause “insomnia can only be solved by sleep”
Pinky: I once proposed to my boyfriend and he said “I also love you sheena” and I broke up with him
Camilla: I once proposed a pretty cool guy (with those nose piercings and gelled stallion look hair) but out of nervousness he farted and I had to leave him
Bob: ummmmmm whats a proposal?
Jane: I did propose someone but he turned out to be she (who’s giggling?)
Savitri: are you crazy? How can you utter something so sinful (followed by some 100 gods names)?
For all those who think that proposing someone is difficult I assure you that it is a very easy and straightforward thing. But there are some precautionary measures to be taken before you venture into this frightening world. One is that you need to be prepared for anything. Go join the gym. Well you need to build up some muscles to fend off the boyfriend that the girl has(nowadays it could even be a girlfriend). And yes as helmets are suggested to all the bike riders (you don’t always need it but it’s a precautionary measure against accidents or rash opponents) you need to analyze the opponent before you propose. If she has a history of beating the pulp out of proposer then helmets are essential(unless you have an iron head and a propensity for getting you face smeared with dirt and mud from her sandals). I can see the smile on the face of the all the unfortunate guys who were meted by that hospitality.
The next thing is that you need to be prepared for all sorts of answers. “I will think, about it”(lady this is not a proposal for a project, it’s the matter of heart) or “ ” (that’s called silence where you cant make out what she is telling and have to do with the facial expressions-if she is crying then its yes/no, if she is smiling then maybe she is saying yes or she might be making plans to tell this venture of yours to her uncle who is in the police, and if she has fainted then you are in a big trouble mister).
How do you propose? “will you become the mother of my children”(that’s what I call disregard to the family planning committee – mister first marry her and her family) and if she is really dumb but madly in love with you then she will say “sure how many children do you have” (this time around the boy faints) or you can go ahead and give her a ring “will you accept my ring and become my life partner?” and she goes “I don’t mind, incoming is free, its just that the phone at our home is not working”(you call it a joke?). but its traditional to gift her the ring at the bottom of her champagne glass (which is dangerous as she might gulp it down with the drink and there goes your priceless love down the intestine of the lady) or you can confess your undying love infront of a large crowd on a mike when she is least expecting “sheena I love you”, “my name is heena and I am engaged”.
So precaution for the maverick and misadventurous lovers is to get you stats right first(and then distort them as you please) and conjure up a safe way to propose.
The sweetest love story is like this – a boy proposed a girl. She refused. And he lived happily ever after.
But unfortunately if she accepts your proposal then you have to convince her family. “uncle can I ask for the hand of your daughter” and here is the answer “and what about the rest of the body?” or “are you a body parts smuggler?” or “which one you want” or “cant you marry my first daughter” he he.
Now that the hardest part is over comes the easy one and that is marrying her (nobody told me she snores at night).
Well the blog is getting pretty big so I have decided to keep that topic for the next blog.
And for those doubting thomases who have never proposed but are planning to do so in the near future or are afraid to do it (hey nowadays even the kids propose each other) then go ahead and do it instantly cause “insomnia can only be solved by sleep”
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Leisurely life
Ecstasy is what you experience when you fall in love but beware my friend that all the good thing come with a price and the price here for ecstasy is that you have to be elastic.
There are lot of things that you should do when you’re the half of the couple. Life must be really easy for the amoeba as it divides itself to become a twosome. And since the other half of the couple is same as the first part there are no changes that comes with the multiplication. But when you find your pair you will notice that you have got the most opposite person that you can get in the whole world!!!
Managing a relationship requires lot of versatility, time management, a superior ability of cajoling and explaining, a good bank balance if you’re the herculean sex and good culinary skills if you’re the Cleopatra sex, truck load of patience and finally an appetite to digest the all too frequent bizarre doldrums that your partner has to offer. You need to be innovative at all the occasions be it birthday, anniversaries, your first handholding date, your first date date and last but not the least the Valentine’s day. May St. Valentine’s soul rest in peace. Unisex martian, if came to earth and heard the plight of us mortal humans would surely want to know, that if relationships were so complicated and quite sometimes causes so much pain as being a rock fan and missing the Nirvana rock show due to upset stomach, then why do we get ourselves involved into them.
A million dollar question indeed. Humans are a bunch of hypocrites. Ever noticed frolicky youngsters celebrating their bachelorhood? Or 25 something adults claiming that they are happy just by themselves? Is there a chance that these people are single for the solitary reason that they did not find their match? I bet every penny I have in my pocket upon that.
No matter how much cribbing, crying and fighting a couple do, believe me, they are more than happy doing that. So why do they willingly go to the altar of ultimate shackle - Marriage? Maybe they are bored with their life and now want some (mis)adventure, or the guy is bored with the TV and now wants a BV, or maybe they like to live their life on the edge by dodging flying utensils or maybe they have done their Bachelors and now want to try their hands at Masters (The degree is called SMS – ‘Masters In Spouse Mood Swings’, HWHA – ‘Masters In Housekeeping When Hubby is Around’ and likes). Whatever may be the reason, it is pretty much evident that they are happy with each other. There are some stray cases where the partners don’t fight well and decide to seek other competitors but we all know that world is not a perfect place.
So why is it worth going through all this?
It is worth coming home after a long hard day and somebody lovingly offers you a glass of water (although she also gives a shopping check to sign with it), or you have someone to listen to when you talk and talk and talk about how the neighbours next door stink and how mean your colleague is and how much your boss admires sycophancy, or you have a shoulder to cry on when the protagonist of the movie is tragically dying, or when he cooks up an gorgeous meal just for you and disregarding past experiences your still have the guts to attempt tasting it, or simply having someone say that you are crazy but still the best thing in the world.
And when time passes by and you grow old it is these things that you remember and it is these things that you savour looking back. It is rightly said in a movie that marriage is a lovely institution, a lovely mental institution, to which everyone wants to be admitted.
There are lot of things that you should do when you’re the half of the couple. Life must be really easy for the amoeba as it divides itself to become a twosome. And since the other half of the couple is same as the first part there are no changes that comes with the multiplication. But when you find your pair you will notice that you have got the most opposite person that you can get in the whole world!!!
Managing a relationship requires lot of versatility, time management, a superior ability of cajoling and explaining, a good bank balance if you’re the herculean sex and good culinary skills if you’re the Cleopatra sex, truck load of patience and finally an appetite to digest the all too frequent bizarre doldrums that your partner has to offer. You need to be innovative at all the occasions be it birthday, anniversaries, your first handholding date, your first date date and last but not the least the Valentine’s day. May St. Valentine’s soul rest in peace. Unisex martian, if came to earth and heard the plight of us mortal humans would surely want to know, that if relationships were so complicated and quite sometimes causes so much pain as being a rock fan and missing the Nirvana rock show due to upset stomach, then why do we get ourselves involved into them.
A million dollar question indeed. Humans are a bunch of hypocrites. Ever noticed frolicky youngsters celebrating their bachelorhood? Or 25 something adults claiming that they are happy just by themselves? Is there a chance that these people are single for the solitary reason that they did not find their match? I bet every penny I have in my pocket upon that.
No matter how much cribbing, crying and fighting a couple do, believe me, they are more than happy doing that. So why do they willingly go to the altar of ultimate shackle - Marriage? Maybe they are bored with their life and now want some (mis)adventure, or the guy is bored with the TV and now wants a BV, or maybe they like to live their life on the edge by dodging flying utensils or maybe they have done their Bachelors and now want to try their hands at Masters (The degree is called SMS – ‘Masters In Spouse Mood Swings’, HWHA – ‘Masters In Housekeeping When Hubby is Around’ and likes). Whatever may be the reason, it is pretty much evident that they are happy with each other. There are some stray cases where the partners don’t fight well and decide to seek other competitors but we all know that world is not a perfect place.
So why is it worth going through all this?
It is worth coming home after a long hard day and somebody lovingly offers you a glass of water (although she also gives a shopping check to sign with it), or you have someone to listen to when you talk and talk and talk about how the neighbours next door stink and how mean your colleague is and how much your boss admires sycophancy, or you have a shoulder to cry on when the protagonist of the movie is tragically dying, or when he cooks up an gorgeous meal just for you and disregarding past experiences your still have the guts to attempt tasting it, or simply having someone say that you are crazy but still the best thing in the world.
And when time passes by and you grow old it is these things that you remember and it is these things that you savour looking back. It is rightly said in a movie that marriage is a lovely institution, a lovely mental institution, to which everyone wants to be admitted.
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